Day by day stupidity.

Disclaimer: Some of the names and the facts we refer to in this Blog are real, some are exaggerated, few are not real. It is up to you to decide and we take no responsibility for that.

Sunday, July 27, 2003

New Idea by: Israeli Glorious Police 

Final solution for Israeli Police's budget problems

Today we were walking around in Ramat Aviv.
It was a typical Israeli end of July sunny, sticky hot day.
Walking was hardly possible because of the heath. We were headed to the Ramat Aviv mall and the only thing we could think about were the mall's nice and fresh air conditioned shops.
Eventually we got at the crossing lights in front of the mall. We started crossing without noticing the lights were yellow.
Nothing happened untill we completely crossed the street.
Then, all of a sudden, a policewoman jumped of her hiding spot and stopped us.

You crossed the street while the crossing lights were red.
Did you notice?
she told us in the typical violent and unpolite Israeli Police's tone.

We answered that we were sorry, we didn't notice.

You will have to pay a fine. It's a 100 Nis Told us Off. Buzagla (we had to read her name from the tag, she didn't even bother to present herself or show any ID. By the way her whole appearance was pretty disgusting, her trousers were spotted and dirty and so was her shirt).

We asked her whether she could save us the fine for this time since we really didn't notice.

No way! Why should I care you didn't notice. In fact I truly hope you won't notice next time as well. There is absolutely no educational purpose in this new police operation.
Buzaglo Buzagli, Israel's Police Minister conceived this new great Made in Israel operation with only two goals in mind: 1) increase Israeli Police's budget with the minimum possible effort and 2) do this without decreasing at all the overall car accidents rate which is such a wellcome phenomenon in light of our new population reduction plan.
You see, all Israel's Police officers are now hiding in the proximity of crosslights. We wait for people to cross with the red lights. We spot the before they actually cross, as I did with you, but we pay attention not to do anything and wait.
We wait for the best, a deadly car accident involving the pedestrian and a car. If it doesn't happen, then we make money stopping them and fining them.
This way, with minimum effort we manage to keep absolute entropy -we don't move a finger while the accident is still possible- while making money out of it, fining pedestrians. No more driving downtown and on the highways trying to stop mad drivers, no more walking and fining parked cars in no parking spots endangering the streets with the terrible risk of actually doing something usefull and avoiding accidents.
That's the best idea ever! A 100% Made in Israel (= Blue and White) idea. Only the Israeli genius could conceive and implement it.
Explained us Buzagla in her classic violent and nervous Israeli police tone.

Astonished we walked away.
It is true indeed, these great ideas cannot but shed light over the other people of the world. We are the best country in the world in the end!

Sunday, July 20, 2003

Israel 2003 Women and Slavery 

New anti prostitution countermeasures

Israeli Police was put under a lot of pressure lately because of the latest reports on the growing prostitution market in Israel.
This phenomenon has reached huge proportions and actual slavery was found in the country.
Hundreds of poor East European women are kidnapped from their countries, brought to Israel and actually traded as slaves and sex slaves in the country.
Israeli Police decided to start with a new action plan to destroy this phenomenon.
"You see, we cannot arrest the perpetrators of these traffics since very often they are family to us. As far as concerns customers, we cannot arrest them as well. That's becasue frequently they are our very bosses if not ourselves and our partners..." Tells us Police Chief Mizi Criminalovich.
"But we found an outstanding solution" adds Buzaglo Buzagli, Police's Chief Assistant.
"We started arresting the prostitutes themselves. In the end you have to agree that these dirty kidnapped and enslaved women are the primary cause of this horrible traffic.
It's pretty straightforward: they are the very engine of this terrible plague that is corrupting our pure society and we decided to hit the problem at its roots!
We arrest them, possibly make them suffer, scare them and make them understand once and for all that next time it is in their best interests not to let themsleves be kidnapped!
We peform lots of arrests every day. We manage to be as violent as possible with these women in order to get the message through."
We asked the Minister of Internal Affairs whether it occured to him that this might not be the best solution and that it should be unacceptable that Israeli slave traders be not punished while the slaves themsleves are punished for their drivers.
What, are you out of your mind?!
These whores, they are the very root of the problem, they are corrupting our wonderful society and we are going to get them!
You don't want me to arrest myself, do you?

Monday, July 14, 2003

3 Years, We Mean It! 

An interview with IDF's Chief of Staff Bugimmandov

Reporter - Chief of Staff Bugimmandov, don't you think that three years is a pretty much long period to steal from a fresh ex teenager?

Bugimmandov - What do you mean?

Reporter - Well, a military service that is three years long seems a very hard burdain for young eighteen year old boys.
They actually loose three years of their lives at the very beginning. Three of the most precious years...

Bugimmandov - I don't understand you...

Reporter - What I am saying is: couldn't you reduce the army service lenght?
Wouldn't it be more right to cut this long period and reduce it?
Wouldn't the Israeli society be more right and healthy if this long period of military service was much shorter?

Bugimmandov - Look, I am having a hard time understanding your question. What are you asking me? I don't understand...

Reporter - See, it is well known that IDF suffers from internal unemployment.
You have too many non fighting soldiers. At the same time, it is known that the fighting units lack soldiers and volunteers. On the one hand you have too much soldiers, on the other you lack soldiers in certain units. This situation is very expensive for the country that has to finance unemployment while lacking effective returns on those units which need soldiers. Don't you think the army should find a better solution?
Don't you think it's a waste of time, life and money stealing three long years from young people's lives and throwing them away for nothing?
Shouldn't you reduce the service's length and place part of the unneeded soldiers in civil service jobs?

Bugimmandov - Mr. do we speak the same language? I really don't understand what you're talking about. What is your question? What is it that you want to know?

Reporter - Ok, I'll make it simple for you.
My question is: Don't you think that stealing -most of the time for nothing- three years plus all the reserve duty from each young Israeli is a wrong thing to do?
Don't you think that IDF should become more efficient and reduce the amount of time people are called to serve the army?

Bugimmandov - I am sorry, but I have things to do. I am very busy.
I really tried, but I cannot understand your question.
I am sorry I have got to go.
HR is waiting for me to sign a lot of paperwork they're doing.

Reporter - Ok, thanks anyway. We'll try and ask someone else...

Wednesday, July 09, 2003

My Email To Google's Ads 

Date: Wed, 9 Jul 2003 07:04:02 -0700 (PDT)
From: "jacob israeli"
Subject: Ads Mismatch
To: adsbygoogle@google.com

Dear Google Ads Staff,

Surfing on my webpage http://pitabrunch.blogspot.com I was watching the ads you are showing on the upper banner.
What I saw today looks to me like a mismatch.
My site is a satiric Blog about Israeli Society and Society in general.
The adds you're showing on my site right now are about helping rebuliding demolished palestinians' houses.
Now, these houses are usually demolished because they belong to terrorists that blew [NDR] themselves [NDR]up inside Israel (Busses Hotels and so on) killing innocent children, toddlers, women and citizens. The demolition though is not an act of punishment but rather an attempt to discourage young Palestinian teenagers to throw their lives away and kill innocent Israeli civilians again and again.
I do not want to get into the political discussion, nor I am saying anything about the conflict, but I believe that financing the reconstruction of these houses is much like financing terrorism itself.
This I cannot stand, especially I cannot stand it on my site.
Pretty sharp things are sometimes said in my site about Israel, but the very basic idea is to create a more right society in the country and a greater harmony with its neighbours, including the Palestinian authority.
Never, but never ever, was I thinking that harming innocent people through terrorist acts like the ones the Plaestinian Authority and the various Plaestinian terroristic movements perpetrate [NDR] is acceptable or shouldn't be punished.
On the very contrary, I truly believe that these acts and their perpetrators should be annihilated through international help so that a real peace can raise between Palestinians and Israelis with real wealth for both the people.
Thus I would like to kindly ask you if it would be possible to change the ads on my site matching them better with its contents and potential surfers.
Thanks a lot in advance for your help,

Jacob Israeli

Made in Israel Robin Hood - Superciuk and Max Bunker 

National Instute for Insurance's new solution for sorrow maximization

We've been asking around about Robin Hood's tale here in Tel Aviv.
It appears that the version of this tale we were told here in Israel is a bit different.
The hero here is not a man - Robin Hood - but an institution: The National Institute for Insurance.
The idea in the original tale was pretty different as well.
Here, The National Institute for Insurance (NIFI) is the star -Robin Hood- this stands.
Only the way he acts is a bit different.
Its main goal is to maximize sorrow and despair among poor families belonging to the lowest layers of our society.
Its last idea was really outstanding in its efficacy.
The Israeli government, in line with its society-destruction policy, passed not long ago a new law: all family aids (food, health, schooling) to the starved must be cut by at least 99.9% (the .1% is an insurance fee for the next political campaign).
NIFI, which is responsible for the distribution of these aids was instructed to stop them.
Here came the new idea.
Since the law was passed some months ago, NIFI's top management came out with a new astounding idea that would hopefully create maximum pain and sorrow to the targeted layers of society.
Let the cutbacks be retroactive!
"Let's ask for our money back from these people".
This way, at the end of the previous month, thousands of the poorest families in Israel found in their mailboxes a letter asking them for returning such huge sums they hardly could figure mentally.
The goal was achieved.
Maximum despair among the poor.
Now, what does Robin Hood have to do with this you might be asking.
You see, the original tale develops around the concept of moving wealth from the rich to the poor.
NIFI does actually move wealth, only not from the rich to the poor, but the opposite way, from the poor to the rich.
Reverse Osmosis, this is their second name.
NIFI takes from the poor to give to the rich.
Millions of millions of Sheqels are taken every day through extorsion from the poorest people, while tons of billions are due from the rich and never paid.
The latest rumour we heard is about our Prime Cinister.
It appears he sued NIFI for a cash return they owed him.
NIFI applied here the retroactive rule and returned him the monthly "debt" starting from 50 years ago 'till now adapting it to inflation.
They almost got banckrupt, but they did it.
Now they're thinking about further cutbacks from the starving layers of our society in order to perform other wealth relocations like this one.
Here you go: ROBIN HOOD Made in Israel

Thursday, July 03, 2003

Success: Basic Freedoms Finally Banned in Israel 

Another great success on the way to totalitarism

The Ministry of Defense Ret. Chief of Staff Arnold Mofazovoff - We finally did it.
It was not easy and I admit we gathered some help from Palestinian terrorists, but in the end it was worth it.

Reporter - What are you exactely talking about....

Mofazovoff - I suggest you stand still and salute when you talk to me, Arf, Arf.
Ehm, excuse me, Arf, Arf, Bark, Bark, GRRRRRRRR.
What I was trying to explain you is that we finally managed to go one step further towards the militarized totalitarian society we're trying to build here.
We are working on that so hard.
Our next target after freedom of speech was the right to privacy and property.
We had to get people used to their property violated.
It was very hard, but in the end we came up with this great idea.
I admit -as I said- Bark, grrrr arf, bark ehm sorry,......
I admit we had to ask for some help from Palestinian terrorists.
We wanted to start with people getting used to loose privacy through violation of their most personal accessories: their bags, purses, suitcases ecc.
In order to do that we started putting security guards in each mall and big public building's entrance.
The reason: anti-terrorism countermeasures.
In fact, these guards started checking everyones' bags, looking inside, touching with their hands.
We obtained the greatest results with this technique.
People just got used to obey and show each and every uniform wearing authoritarian figure what they were asked to.
At this point we wanted to get one step further into totalitarianism and militarization of our society.
As you know, every Israeli citizen is assigned a sticky undeletable ID number at his birth (we thought about tatooing it on every baby's arm, but we are waiting with that for the right moment to come...)
This ID number is printed on an ID card.
You know a regular one, with a picture and details of its owner.
Now, theoretically, you shouldn't be forced to show your ID card to almost anyone but cops and legal authorities.
It's a basic democratic right, the right to privacy and property over your personal data.
As such we decided to hit and abolish it next.
We did that, exploiting the long lines that formed at the checkpoints inside Malls, Universities and public buildings' entrances.
In order to get the population used to loose this right, we had some guards start asking people that wanted to enter the Mall or building they're "protecting" to show them their ID.
Guess what, it's working!
People do that without complaints.
They're getting used to obey each uniform wearing poz.
It's wonderful....

Reporter - But this is outrageous, you're undermining democracy like this, you....

Mofazoff - Guards, arrest him!
I am afraid he's a traitor, or a Palestinian, or a foreign worker!

Reporter - I am journalist, I have rights!

Mofazoff - Bark, Bark, GRRRR, no rights, you have no more rights. We're at war, emergency procedures empowered me, the highest military authority, to withdraw any of your rights.

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